Over at Hollaback Health, there was a post about Say Yes To The Dress: Big Bliss. It triggered a lot of resentment about big women singled out for being big and then subsequently exploiting and fetishizing fat women.
I was in the minority in my disagreement. Mostly because my knee jerk reaction was “Oh CHRIST, let it go already.” However, after a bit of back and forth, I get the original author’s intent (see the thread for expanding on that – the original post was meant to be more empowering to women, not to start a debate on exploiting big babes). BUT I still don’t get the anger of people who are still shocked and offended that there are people out there who discriminate against fat people. I mean, come on! Of COURSE they do. Some dudes won’t date fat chicks. Some chicks won’t date fat dudes. Why? Looks, primarily. Second, ego.
Years ago I would have been all up in arms about this. The in-your-face-anger of a pissed of fat girl that was whining about how that isn’t FAIR. Guys should like me for who I am!
Ironic, because I didn’t even know who I was…except that I knew I was a fat girl. So guys should have liked me as a fat chick. Some did. Some didn’t. You can’t really control who you are attracted to; it’s either there or not. End of story. But I cut to the end…
After years of therapy and life experience, I came to the conclusion of “oh, whatever.” Trust me, I’ve been dumped and rejected cuz of my fatness (and, I strongly suspect, the incredibly draining low self-esteem that accompanied my fatness). But these days, I’m just tired of being angry. So flippin’ what if some guy can’t handle the girth. My Mr. H does, and that makes me feel incredible. I’ve just let it go, let go of that anger, and embraced the fact that (and I steal this from a friend’s therapy session): you cannot change other people’s behavior. But you can change how you REACT to it.
So here is my process of of GETTING OVER IT when someone insists on judging you by your looks.
Denial: Oh no you didn’t. You did not…. did this guy just dump me/reject me cuz I was fat? I can’t believe it.
Anger: Are you freakin’ KIDDING ME? How DARE you judge me for my looks! You are such an asshole.
Bargaining: What if I lose weight? I totally will exercise more, eat less, whatever it takes in order to get a guy to like me/get back the guy who dumped me!
Depression: I’ll never find someone…
Acceptance, Stage 1: You know what? Fine. I don’t care (but you do).
Acceptance, Stage 2: Ok, fine, I care! But they need to change! I won’t!
Acceptance, Stage 3: Alright. I accept that some people are shallow and only look for partners based on appearances. I accept that I, too, have my own standards that others might find equally insulting. Like intelligent. Sense of humor. Sex appeal. I ultimately accept that I can’t change their minds, but I can genuinely approach them with apathy and just fuggitaboutit. Seriously. I choose to let it go and not fuel this whole thing with my anger. Just ain’t worth it.
Done. Trust me. Life is sooooo much better not being so angry all the time at things you have absolutely no control over.
Let it go, ladies. Let it go. 
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